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Aug, 6

 

(Sorry it's so long, reduced it as much as possible!)

     Mike was going to Europe for vacation, but he got his info wrong and landed in South Africa. "Holy Crap! It's the projects!" The plane took off instantly than took over 5 seconds later by Somalian pirates, and they drove the plane into a small village, then a bunch of black, charred, Africans came running out eating their own cooked skin. Mike sat down on a table and took a big-ass bucket of fried chicken and Kool-Aid and started tearing into the chicken. There was a whole crowd of skinny black people surrounding the table, watching him. Then he got up and walked back to the airport to catch a plane. When he went back to America, a bunch of black people who looked super hungry and ravenous,  were stalking a little white kid. As soon as mike realized this, he gave them guns and started a drug business. Then he became an African drug lord and took over half of the U.S and, with the drug money, started a company that sold a brand of new lotion called: Quick Slaps Jack-Off cream. He made a fortune off of desperate virgins living in their mom's basements watching Brainpop and fingering themselves all day. What had happened to the black people? They grew to an old African age of 30 and died of Full-Blown AIDS.
Aug, 8
     One day mike and his mom were in an argument and mike said lets settle this the old fashion way, then mike's dad drove them to an ally way and everything changed to mortal combat and mike was scorpion and mikes mom was that 4 armed whore named hand job-taur. So mike said "Get over here!" and tried to stab her with a rope dart, but his mom grabbed the rope dart and gave it four handed hand job. after the battle mike ran away and met Ida.

 

 

 

 

Sept, 17
   4 hobos are gathered around a fire, struggling to survive. One day, a businessman threw down some McDonald food. In the bag contained a double cheeseburger, chicken sandwich  McNuggets and a salad. The first hobo ate the salad and instantly gained popularity from every gay person in the city and they made him gay and the most widely known gay marriage supporter. the 2nd hobo ate the chicken sandwich and became very fat. He then won a hot dog eating contest without even chewing the hot dogs, became moderately rich and started an insurance company with his money. He overcame every insurance company and soon became one of the richest men to exist. The 3rd hobo ate the Mcnuggets and became very suicidal. He then began to use meth and became addicted. After a short time in rehab, he was rescued by a local gang and reached in their ranks to become leader. He soon ruled every street corner and alley, and known as the top ten  most dangerous drug lords. The last hobo ate the cheeseburger. he went to the businessman and thanked him for the food. They soon became good friends. The businessman hooked him up with a good job and soon he bought a house a car and supported a family.
 
Dec, 6
   the 4 same hobos was thrown from popularity and wealth and proceeded to huddle around the fire again. Then a thief ran out of the bank with bags of money and dropped a ski mask, a pistol, a $50 bill and a flashlight. the first hobo grabbed the ski mask and became a gay male stripper, the virginity thief. He became very famous and legalized prostitution with strict protest and boycotts. the 2nd hobo took the $50 bill and bought a gym membership, to which he burned all the fat. Then became very tone and muscular, then got his own TV show advertising his fitness program. He was recognized by an African town and he became a harsh Dictator, and made his whole town exercise an hour a day or they would get shot down on sight. He was assassinated 12 years later by his own father. the 3rd hobo took the gun and went into the thug business again. Only this time, he was caught while robbing the bank that literally was just robbed and arrested. There he was raped several times in the showers by 3 men. After released, he got really drunk and reminisced about the incident. Then got really high on Mara-jew-wanna and coke-cane and died of cross overdose. the last hobo got the flashlight and caught the midnight rapist, wanted for a full $1,000.00 dollars. He took out the batteries and put it into anything that received them for good luck. At a business seminar, he used those batteries and got promoted dramatically. At the age of 79, he ran a large conglomerate and became richer than Bill Gates. He bought out Microsoft and perfected his PCs and the Xbox to the point of all knowing oracle machines. The Xbox went super futuristic as soon as he bought it because Bill Gates was obviously holding back to preserve ideas for later versions of the Xbox in order to make more GOD DAMN MONEY, WHICH HE FUCKIN' ALREADY HAS ENOUGH OF!!!!!
 
Jan, 29
 (This short was produced during a game of Madlibs.)
  BANANA had very many KATANAS, and he loved his KATANAS! But one day, a MARVELOUS OSTRICH destroyed them, then BANANA'S friend, the TERRIFYING DICK, came over to help catch the OSTRICH. First, they WALKed their VAGAINAS. BANANA and THE DICK chased the OSTRICH. They ended up at the OSTRICH'S secret alleyway hideout where BANANA fought a ZOMBIE, But DICK got injured. As THE DICK was dying, his final wish was for BANANA to EAT his PORCUPINE.  Then BANANA killed the OSTRICH by LICKING his SHED.

March, 12
   "I fucked your mom last night."
"No you didn't"
"Yes I did, I have selfies."
"You took selfies, while in the act of sexual intercourse?"
"Yeah, they call 'em sexies."
"You never met my mom."
"Actually, we met in Monte Carlo. In the bathroom, right before she had you."
"Are you insisting you're my father?"
"your mom was later than part 5."
 
March, 23
Once upon a time, there was a magical boy, who loved getting touched. He would ask all the big boys to feel him all over and make him feel good. But one faithful day, a girl walked up to the magic boy, and touched him. the boy was mad. He had never been touched by a girl, and it made him feel dirty and unclean, but at the same time it felt right. He couldn't handle himself, so he asked all the girls to feel him down. But no one wanted too. The little boy started to cry, when a magical wizard came out of nowhere and walked over to the boy. The wizard told the boy that he could always touch himself. The boy tried it, and he felt good. He did it again, and again, and again! again and again and again! But soon, the boy ran out of magical juice to fuel his touching. They boy asked the wizard if he had anymore, but the wizard said he had none. The boy looked like a freakin' charger, so he beat down the wizard with his freakishly huge arm, stole his wallet, and marched down the street, throwing cars out of his way, eating the intestines of his fallen, and fashioning it into a noose to autoerotically asphyxiate himself later. He made it to the store and bought all the lotion, then touched himself right there in the middle of the store. The End!
 
The 4 hobos gathered around a fire, thrown from their lives due to a depression. Then, a shady man dropped a briefcase. In it was a pair of sunglasses, pop rocks and a perfectly intact glass of wine. The 1st hobo grabbed the wine and was inspired to open a resteraunt for gays. He made all kinds of food and managed to legalize gay marrige everywhere. The 2nd one grabbed the sun glasses and, along with his perfect body, became a great actor and male model. He starred in many famous films and had a star in hollywood. the 3rd hobo grabbed the pop rocks and discovered it was actually crystal meth. He regulated his drug evasion tactics he learned from rehab and instead, sold them. He soon used the money to get more and more and build up a secret drug syndicate. During a drug raid, he was left with no other choice. He did steroids and crack and went on a super rampage punching everyone to death. He killed by lethal injection 37 hours later. the last hobo was left with nothing, but then soon he realized something and took the briefcse. He used many other junkyard items to create the first speed shoes. He went back into business and sold thousands, and made them in his own factories. This inspired many shoe sweat shops to close down and reformed china into a nice, well-rounded country. Because of Domino Effect, many countries followed and became extremely modern as well.
 
April 6,
  I'm just another detective. I was sitting in my office, when a man rushed in, telling me about a murderer. He went to the mansion and gathered a maid, butler, that screaming guy, himself, that screaming guy's aunt and grandma. "It 'twas the butler!" DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But the butler just came in for the day, so it wasn't him. "it 'twas the old woman!" DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But shes old and frail and couldn't harm a soul. I sat down and thought. then at that moment, the grandma ripped off her shirt, to reveal a 6 pack and huge, muscular form. "IT REALLY 'TWAS THE GRANDMA" the grandma threw her grandson, punched the aunt into bloody chunks, and had a heart attack. it 'twas the constant salty penis that had killed the beast.
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