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SHORTS
  *Non-Canon*
Jul,9
     Mike was massaging his baseballs one day, when the doorbell rang. Zoey appeared at the door. "Hey mike, whatcha doin'?
"massaging my balls." Zoey closed the door and walked away. Then mike begins eating his cream pie. the doorbell rang.
"hey mike!" Justin said,wearing a bunny suit, "Wanna come outside and help Billy Bob out of that tree?" Mike looked behind Justin and saw billy bob stuck in the tree wearing a bunny costume too.
"No thanks, I'm eating my big, juicy, delicious, creamy pie." "FOR NARRNIA!" Justin ran like hell and was hit by Mr. Hawt's pimp.
Mrs. Hawt came to the door and Mike opened it. "Mike can you help me scrape Justin off the street?" "No thanks, Mrs. Hawt I'm masturbating and eating my cum."

Jul,11
   69 years later, and all the zombie crap is done(hopefully), Mike tells the story to his grandkids of his first true love, before zoey. "I was walking along one day when i saw a horde of zombies." "Holy crap! It's a zombie horde!" The horde ran towards a girl by the name of Ida, who had the biggest rack in town,excluding Mrs. Hawt.
"What did she look like?" said a grandkid. "I can remember it like it wash yeshterday... She wore a black T-shirt that said 'I heart zombies'. Ida grabbed a zombie finger and then started masturbating.  Mike walks all smooth up to Her, and says "Could you stop using that finger so I could put mine in their?"
"Why your finger when you can use your Dick?" said Ida in a barry white voice. They soon became engaged and before the wedding night, Mike noticed that she had a penis. Then the grandson said "So your fiance was a tranny?" "yeah pretty much," said mike.

Jul,16
    Billy bob is outside cutting his yard with a rusty switchblade. "Pa, The lawn is finished!" His dad walked outside the house with a tank top on and sat down on the pick-up truck on cement bricks and drank mountain dew out of a flask. "good job son, Now go play with Rosie 'till i get back to and fro the farmers market." "Well tie me on a cross and call me jesus!" Billy bob ran inside with a giant friggin' shotgun. Billy bob's buck tooth sister walked by. "well dip me in moonshine and arrest me for beatin' my wife, you got pa's Rosie!" "And he ain't take the shells out either!" Billy bob replied. He ran outside and stood on the dirt path leading to his ranch house and pointed the gun out. Then, a lion jumps out of nowhere. Billy bob pulls the trigger and looks out. Then Justin runs up to Billy bob with tears flying out onto his overalls and yells "NAAAAAAAAAAARNIA!!! WHY!!!!!!!!?!?!?"

Jul, 18
   It was midnight and Ms. Hawt was on the street corner. When suddenly mike rode up in a limo. Ms. Hawt told mike the prices were $50 for a BJ $40 for a handjob and $100 for a sexy party $20 for an ear job $30 for a nose job.
When all of a sudden Ms. Hawts pimp walked up to Ms. Hawt and said in a very black, deep, angry voice, "You be is sellin' to Minors 'gain? seriously be-yitch, this gots to be the 69th dayuum time di' week." Then Mike yelled" NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I WAS SSSSSSSSOOOOOOO CLOOOOOSEEEE TOOOOOO SSSSSSEEEEIIINGGGG MMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSS. HAAAAAWWWWTS BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOBIEIEIEIEIEIEISSSSSSSS" after that Ms. Hawt's pimp simultaneously pimp-slapped mike and Ms. Hawt. The next day Mike asphyxiated himself AGAIN. but because no one stays dead he came back the next day.

Jul, 23
   Mike and Justin were walking down a path in the forest, when this tall guy in a black skirt so tight you could see her man-britches. He had long yellow teeth with a cigarette hanging from a string off of one of his teeth and wore no shirt with a black bra and was taller than a basketball player. "Hey little delicate boys! How's about you get your silly little asses on down to my place!" Justin ran. "For NARRRN-" Mike grabs Justi. "Hey wait, gay guys are rich. We could get cool stuff from him." Justin answered,"Like herpes?" Mike responded,"Yeah!" They went to his giant fag mansion, or fag-sion, and had tea and cookies. "Hey guys, I need you to help me clean my car!" Justin ran like hell. "For NARRRNIA!" He jumped out of the window, and into the guy's pedo-van, then passed out. "Mike ran out of the door. The guy went to his van and saw unconscious Justin. All through the forest, the only sound were yelps and screams for Narnia and bed springs.

Jul, 25
   One day zoey went to the mall to buy new breast implants. But she noticed she was a poor ass hoe. So she got thinking how could she get money, she thought of what her friends did. Mike, fixed  and tested sex toys . Justin was an adventurer in Narnia. billy bob was a meth dealer. Finally zoey thought of her favorite teacher Ms. Hawt so zoey became a prostitute. One day while zoey was on the street corner giving her pimp some sugar , a gang of muscly deep voiced black men asked how much a gangbanging was. She replied OVER 9,000!!!!!! cents. The black men replied get in. When the gangbang was about to start Mike burst in with a dildo gun he shot all the black guys. Zoey yelled at mike for stopping the gangbaning. Zoey said she needed money for pleasure devices. Mike said, "OOOOOOOHHHH YOOUUUUUU You could use me you Titty sprinkle!" Then Mike turned to a jet and flew to  'MURICA and had beer and hot wings with Jebus.

Jul, 30
   Everyone gathered at Mrs. Hawt's house with alot of equipment and guns and other kid stuff.
"Ok, we all know these pimps have gave us trouble in the past," Mike said. "Does anybody need anything before we go in?" Billy bob uttered. Mike said,"I think Justin needs something. Now, here's what we'll do: I'll run in and gather all the tampons, we can kinda blast them all down with explosive cum, I will Shout as I do it to scatter them so we don't have to deal with a bunch of them at once, and when I'm done jacking off, I'll need Jenny to run in and bitch and moan, and when she's done i'll need Zoey to run in and do the same thing. Seems like a good plan, I think we can pull it off this time, what do you think Billy bob can you give me a number crunch real quick?" "I Caint Count." "Well It's alot better than we usually do." Then Justin blurted out," All right chumps let's do this: JUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTIN UNREVEALED LAST NAME!!!!!!!!!" He ran in. "He just ran in...Lets go!"The pimps were poppin' a black-ass cap in everyone's ass."Oh jeez Oh fuck!"mike said.Then billy said,"Stick to the plan!" Then soon everyone was shot down, including Justin, who was killed 1st.  "God damnit justin..." Mike said.                         
If you don't get this week's reference, stick this in your eye socket!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkCNJRfSZBU
Tuesdays wrote by: Campfires2
Thursday wrote by: Tauntingpanther
Aug, 1
   One day billy bob was walking to the friendly neighborhood drug dealer to buy some drugs, when he he got there the drug dealer handed billy bob a pistol. The dealer said "Oh shit on a white trash breaded item. Billy I need help the pimperoos found out I was stealing their shipments."  Billy said "What in tarnation is a pimparoo!" The dealer said it was a kangaroo pimp. So there was a huge firefight between the pimparoos and billybob and the drug dealer. After the firefight billy bob was kidnapped. To be continued!?!?!?!? DUH DUH DUUUUUH!!!

8 shorts a page.
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